Week Eight Joke

This last Friday I worked on a film shoot that lasted two hours longer than expected, running us about 9 hours straight into 2 am. Thankfully, the main actor kept up morale by constantly cracking ridiculous jokes. Here is one particularly dirty one he cracked:

So this Penguin's car was giving him trouble and he took it to the mechanic. As usual, it was taking forever, so instead of waiting around the whole time, the penguin went to get some ice cream. He wanted chocolate, but the guy selling it said they only had vanilla. So, the penguin got vanilla. He went back to the mechanic to see what was going on. The mechanic says "Oh, I found your problem. You blew a seal" to which the penguin responds "It's not what you think! I just got vanilla."

Week Seven Joke

Abby told a number of jokes to our class when she visited us, but this one made ma laugh particularly:

"I can't remember who it was who said 'comedy equals tragedy plus time.' I think it was either Carol Burnett or Plato."

Week Six Joke

I was working for American Idol, and everyone working the production kept communication via headset radio. There were several times the woman telling everyone what was going on in the audition room (since we were usually all split up) made catty remarks and jokes. I remember at the end of the first night, I was sitting and eating dinner with some other Production Assistants and we all burst out laughing at what we just heard in our headset.

It was the last audition after a long day, and it was taking longer than every other one had. Unlike most of the auditions, this was a group of three brothers and sisters auditioning together. We were all aggravated that it was taking so long, and while we were waiting for the responses from the judges, the girl on headset shares with us that "One of the contestants is about to give birth on stage, and they will be back in 18 years to audition, too."

Week Five Joke

Professor Hammermash came to our class today and told us a few great jokes. My favorite one was--despite my personal opinion on its taste--was particularly sexist, but still funny for it's irony.

So there was this economics professor who always made sexist jokes in class and off color remarks about women. One day the female students decide to plan to walk out of the classroom the next time he makes a sexist joke. As it was an economics class, one day the professor was making an example of the shortage of prostitutes in France affecting the market. When he says this, the women got up and began to walk out, and the professor stops them: "Don't leae now, the plane to France doesn't leave till tomorrow."

Week Four Joke

So I was at this party and this women comes up to me and asks "What's your nationality?" and I look at her and I say "Well, I was born in America. So that would make my nationality American" and she makes this face and says "oh, you know what I mean!" and I look at her like "No. I don't think I do. Because if you mean to ask me my ethnicity and you use the word nationality or rather you mean to say that nationality and ethnicity are the same thing then that would make you incredibly ignorant!" and her face falls and she says "are you calling me a racist?" and i smile at her and say "oh! you know what i mean!"

Asian American comedian in his 20s?

Week Three Joke

Spanx will pack you in like a can of bisquits....So, I'm making out with this guy and we're in the kitchen and he pounds me on the counter and....it all pops out.

white, Female comic in her late 30s talking about getting back into the dating scene

week 3 joke

-Mike's not here.
-Good, he won't be telling jokes
-Yeah, he always tells the same one: "two things you need to know about my wife: she's a black belt and a lawyer"
-more like two things you need to know about mike: his wife's a black belt and a lawyer.

explanation coming soon

Joke 2: Misheard

"I was reading an article in Cosmo about sex for the pool"

"I just thought I heard you say it was 'sex for the poor.'  I was like 'Is that so people don't feel so bad about having sex in an alley way?'"

 

Breakdown coming soon

Joke 1: "Why aren't you eating more?"

Mother: I'm not eating anymore because I am too full.
Father: I would eat more, but I don't like plates.

My family visited this weekend, and my dad made this witty remark over dinner as we finished our meal. We were eating at a nearby panAsian restaurant, our table consisting of myself, my recently turned 26 year old brother, my parents (both in their 50s), my aunt (in her late 50s), my grandfather (about 85) and his wife (also in her late 70s/80s). When my dad said this, I immediately giggled, my brother smiled, and my mother let out a hearty laugh. At the end of the table, my aunt who is a little slow when it comes to jokes laughed out loud when my mother retold it in spanish for my grandpa and his wife (who then laughed as well). This joke wasn't one that would be particularly offensive to anyone and was easy to cross cultural and linguistic borders. Although my grandfather--who has lived in the US for many years, but grew up in Mexico and speaks very little English--did not understand it at first, a simple translation had him laughing, too. The humor here is clearly along the vein of saying something that does not meet our expectations.